Tag: community

Losing someone or perhaps myself

It’s an end of an era in many ways for me. I’ve been really close to a guy for many years. I’ve never met him in RL, only online. He felt like family to me and I think he felt the same way about me.

A few weeks back, suddenly, without any warning he turned on me and said nasty things. He told me he was there for himself, not for anyone else and he couldn’t care less about our friendship. His girlfriend then blocked me on Facebook.

I have no idea what happened and why his girlfriend did what she did. We’ve never had much contact, so how could she hate me that much?

Anyway, I have to learn how to live without my “brother”. I’m not mad at him and actually miss him, but I’m not that needy, so I won’t try to contact him again. If he wants to have any contact, he must be the one to take the first step.

Another change for me is leaving Google plus. I’ve been part of that community for years ever since it started. The reason for me leaving is that I’m being totally ignored there by the Swedish community. It started with a fight I had with one of the other members. To me it seemed like a small thing, a misunderstanding, but suddenly a lot of my friends started to tell me all the things I did wrong. That something must be wrong with me etc. After that outburst from people I called my friends, they stopped interacting with me altogether. I can post things and I won’t get even a plus (like). So now I’m leaving. It breaks my heart, not only because I’ll miss some of my friends there, but mostly because I’m afraid that these things keep happening to me because there actually is something wrong with me.

To belong

I posted this message in G+. Even though it’s partly about that community, a lot of what I say is about my life and how I feel.

LEAVING – NOT LEAVING

Some of you might have seen my emotional post about leaving. I really felt what I said yesterday and it’s true that I’ve been thinking of leaving, but for different reasons.

Yesterday it was more about ‘the final straw’. I’ll tell you something about what led up to yesterdays silly post and how I feel right now.

1) Losing a friend. I met a friend years ago (2006) in Second Life. Some of you might not think a virtual friend is important, but to me it was, and I thought it was important to him too. We’ve been chatting almost every day since that time and we know more about each other than our RL friends. Now that friendship is breaking up. I know, people change, but I’ll still miss what we had. Now he claims that I don’t understand, that everything (whatever that is) is my fault and that I’m not caring enough.

2) Changes at work. We’ve gotten the indication that we’ll lose funding. And now, yesterday our boss called a meeting for Tuesday, wanting to “talk about the future”, first in a group meeting and then with each of us.  Imagine what a weekend I’ll have, worrying. I come from a very long unemployment and this is my first permanent job ever. Turns out it’s not all that permanent.

3) The final straw. Yesterday two of my “friends” here on G+ told me I was uncaring and selfish. That last one made me snap and brought back all the doubt I’ve had with G+ and that I haven’t been able to fully fit in. And that isn’t typical G+. It always comes down to that – I’m different and I don’t fit in.

All of the above made me think about leaving. Now I’m not sure. I won’t fit in better if I try somewhere else. I just have to accept that I’m different and that I’ll never fully fit in. For now, I’ll take a little break, and if I do decide to delete my account, I promise to tell you in advance.

Thank you all that showed that you cared. You make me feel less alone and sad.  Hugs!

Social networks

I thought I’d continue my computer/internet “school”. This time I’d like to get into social networks, the ones I like best.

Since I’m a vegan, animal and human rights advocate and so on, Care2 is one of my favorite sites. It’s a social network for people who ‘care’. Features include free email, messaging, free e cards that help save rainforest and free donations. There are also groups that you can create and/or join. There’s even an instant messaging service. You also get a personal profile page that you can customize, where you can add photos, movies etc.

There are several veggie related communities – CrueltyFree, Vegan World, VegSpace. They’re all nice, but don’t feel very active. Maybe I haven’t really gotten to know them well enough yet. You get a profile page, messaging etc.

For other specialized interests I can mention LiveJournal and Vox. LiveJournal is a community that evolves around blogging/journal writing. Vox is quite similar to LJ, but here you get to upload media – photos, movies, music etc.

Speaking of media – Zooomr is a very cool photo site. You get unlimited storage space and hotlinking is allowed – that means you can store your photos, then link to them on your blog, profile page, home page etc.

If you’re into animals there are several different networking sites intended for animal lovers. Petster is for people with all kinds of pets. Catster is for cat lovers and Dogster is for dog lovers. There are others – BunSpace is another example, but the basic level doesn’t really allow you to do anything, so I can’t tell you much about it.

For those of us who are passionate about our writing, there are online archives where you can post your stories and poems and hopefully get comments. Naturally, you can also look for things to read.

FanFiction.net is probably the main site for fan fiction enthusiasts, but there are others – FanWorks is another I can mention. There you can also upload artwork.
FictionPress is for original fiction.

Finally, I’d like to mention a language learning network – LiveMocha. I’ve only started using the site so I can’t tell you all that much, but so far it looks impressive. You can learn new languages or practice one you already know and get help from native speakers.

Being part of a community

I’m an old internet veteran. Have been part of different communities, newsgroups and been making homepages since the dawn of the internet and now I’m an experienced blogger. This blog is only one of several. I’ve been having a really difficult time in RL. I got bullied at work, burned out, was cheated on payment from my old job, on sick leave for deep depression – these are only a few of the things that happened to me. In the end I got help and started to live again after a couple of years of not being able to do anything.

I’d been struggling at work for a long time, so one of the first things I did was to contact my old friends, both in RL and online. I hadn’t been paying attention to anyone and anything for ages. Some of them had disappeared during this time but the true ones were still there. Another thing I did was to join a few new communities. Some of the old ones I’d been part of wasn’t around anymore. That’s what happens on the internet. Persons and homepages come and go. One of the communities I joined was SL Universe. At first it seemed to be a very good community, friendly, fun and I thought I found friends there. I’d been part of lots of communities and on the surface it seemed one of the good ones.

But more and more I found out that the community consists of a small group of people who had been friends for a long time. They were surrounded by a big group of people applauding whatever they did. I admit there are a few truly good persons there, but sadly none of the ones I thought were my friends. If they are, they might be afraid to speak up or they will lose their place in the community.

What at first glance seemed like a good place to be while recovering from the recent events in RL turned out to be a small hell. If anyone wants to try joining this community, these are a few tips on how to get on there.

1) If you are part of a minority don’t ever admit it. They will smell blood and start to hover close to you. There will be lots of things about which you’re not even allowed to have views.

2) Don’t try to help anyone. The in crowd can’t do anything wrong, so there’s no use trying to help them. And if you try to help anyone else, you’ll be attacked.

3) If the in crowd decides you said something, don’t try to tell them otherwise. I know it’s a community and there will be evidence of what you said, but no one will read that anyway. Just keep quiet. If you want to stay, just admit you said what you didn’t say.

4) There are only a few things you’re allowed to post when you’re not part of the in crowd. Slutty pics of yourself in RL or SL are always good. Icons of smileys having sex is another one. Whate you post doesn’t have to make sense, the opposite is generally preferable.

5) Don’t care about anyone or anything, unless you are part of the in crowd. Then no rules apply except if you’re too close to the owner of the community.

6) Don’t ever admit you’re not into BDSM if you aren’t. If you accidentally do, whatever you say will be considered snarky. And if you are into BDSM, then make sure you’re a sub, that’s the only thing that is allowed if you’re not part of the in crowd.

7) If you are gay, then you’re more likely to be welcomed into this community. If you’re not, then the best thing you can do is to tell the in crowd how sexy they are, preferably those of the same gender as you.

8 ) If you want to post something, make sure you have read everything posted from the start of the community. It’s considered a crime to post something that has been posted before. Unless, yes, you guessed it, you’re part of the in crowd.

9) Don’t admit you’re not American, British might be ok, but everything else is considered ‘foreign’ and should be treated accordingly. No one will understand you and movies from your country are considered weird.

10) Don’t try to post anything there when you’re feeling down, unless you’re part of the in crowd, they thrive on weakness and will want to bite your head off.

11) Last, but not the least, don’t think that you’ll find friends there. Persons you have laughed with for weeks can suddenly stab you in the back if the in crowd decides it the proper thing to do, or simply start to ignore you.

What I experienced at SLU was new to me. I have never in all my years online seen this and I hope I never will again. I am not sad to have tried be part of this community since I’ve learned a lot about human nature. I’m more puzzled than anything else. What goes on there isn’t unique to the internet or to RL, but at SLU you’ll find it in a more pure form. The only thing I regret is thinking that I had found friends there. I feel stupid to have believed in them.

It was for them I got back that last time. Thought they were worth fighting my way back there. And even though I hate to admit it to myself, I do miss some of them. Miss them a lot.

Un-Social Networks

I just realized that I’m a member of (I think) hundreds of online communities, not counting all the ones I tried and left, and still I have hardly any friends. The sad thing is, few as they are, my online friends are in the majority. In real life, I have even fewer.

Why is that? Am I the world’s most boring person? Is the internet a hopeless place to go, looking for friends? Come to think of it, is this common? Do most other people experience the same thing?

I’d really, really like to have a boyfriend and a few good friends. Is that too much to ask? Where do I go? How can I search efficiently? In real life and online. Because the places I’ve looked so far, are obviously no good. Too bad. I actually like many of my communities, but social they’re not.

Second Life – a Language School?

It’s kind of funny. I’ve been a member of a number of different language sites and I still use one regularly. Many different people contact me, wanting to ‘learn’ Swedish, without taking any classes. Some just want to practice their English. No one stays in touch for long. I can’t say I’ve had much use for the exchange.

Strangely enough, in the relatively short time I’ve been in Second Life, I’ve already felt that I can express myself more freely, especially in French and Spanish. Not as much in Italian and German, but at least there’s some improvement.

I don’t have that many close friends in SL, but that doesn’t really matter. The constantly new people who want advice or help or – in some cases- who want to help me, will ask or tell me things in their languages. I need to find the right words or expressions quickly, almost as if I was in France or Spain or wherever it is.

Sure I need to let go of my demands for perfection. My sentences tend to be simple and basic, as I used to express myself in the years before I first went to school (when it comes to Swedish) or the first years of learning English (roughly ten to thirteen).

That’s not really a problem. I can make myself understood and my brief acquaintances appreciate the fact that I respond in their languages. It might be hard to believe, but there are some ‘residents’ of SL who aren’t fluent in English.

This even made me want to learn Portuguese too. Several times I’ve been unable to chat with the Brazilians who get in touch, hoping I’m a Portuguese speaker too. Who knows, some of those people might be really nice.

So, now I can add another advantage to being in SL. In a way, it’s a pretty good language school. If this is making you a bit curious, why don’t you drop in? There’s just one thing – you’ll need a quite modern and strong computer. Other than that, it’s not difficult. Besides, if you’re not that good at for instance English, there will most likely be people from your country in world already. Search for groups for people from your country or people speaking your language and join them. From the start, you’ll have some people to talk to.

My Second Report from 3D Land

At the moment, I’m trying to make enough money to upgrade. That means I’m not doing anything but camp. I chase around all of Second Life, looking for good camping places. Sometimes you need to watch your avatar all the time, so it won’t become inactive and get logged out. Of course, I have managed to ear quite a bit of money in a relatively short time.

Since I don’t have that much else to do right now, I might as well keep at it. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Second Life – SL – perhaps I should explain that the money in there – Linden dollars – are actually transferrable to a PayPal account. In some countries you can also transfer the money to your bank account. That might be possible here too, before long.

Something else – a Linden dollar isn’t worth much more than a cent or two. It takes a long time to save up for something in real life. I donated my savings to an animal shelter a while back. Since I know the two people who run it, I know that the money goes to a worthy cause. Many other animal shelters worldwide, will accept PayPal. You could donate to other causes as well. In any case, it’s been hard to buy something, like books.

Either way I like the idea of being able to donate money, even though I’m unemployed and can’t really donate ‘real’ money. That’s why I’ll probably keep doing this, as soon as I manage to save up a reasonable sum of money. Even though I would love to buy more books.

Another thing – sometimes I wonder if I’m not going around in circies. I want to make money so I can upgrade – so I can make more money. Isn’t that a bit weird? What little else I do inside SL I can easily do using a free, basic account. Here I am running the rat race, so I can run some more rat race. Something is a bit off in this reasoning, but like I said before, I don’t have anything better to do, so for the time being, I’m going to keep doing it.

Excuse, now I need to go and keep an eye on my avatar, so she won’t get up and stops making money, or maybe, worst of all, will be logged out.

Adventures in 3D land

Ok. I’ll admit it. That title – I just made it up because it looks cool. So far I haven’t had any adventures of any kind in 3D land. Not that I want to. That kind of adventure.

Let’s start at the beginning. Last summer I let myself be talked into joining Second Life. My sister was already hooked and she thought I’d like it too. In a way, I did. It’s a fantastic 3D environment. Better than any other attempt I’ve seen in the nine years I’ve been online. What’s missing is some content.

I’m not Bob the Builder. I’m not there to look for sexual contacts either. What else is there? Well, according to my sister, who is the only one I know in there, you can chat. Socialize. Like in any other social networking community. There are even groups, for people with all kinds of interests.

So I joined them. There were actually groups for most of the things I’m interested in. Unfortunately, that didn’t help at all. They seem too haphazard and vague for me. Or maybe it’s just that it’s hard to fit in. The people in those groups are presumably already friends. Maybe it’s my shy Scandinavian temperament. Who knows? In any case it didn’t help.

Supposedly, there are also all kinds of ‘real life’ events too. Concerts. Pub performances. Even online courses or lectures arranged by respectable universities. Lately, Sweden, yeah, that’s right, my country, has started a cultural embassy inside the virtual community.

So far though, I haven’t found my place in there.

What I have done, which I’ve enjoyed enormously, is create my avatar. It’s more fun than you might think. Certainly more fun than I expected. In real life I’m nobody’s fashion freak. In Second Life makeovers are a breeze. You just go shopping for new hair, new clothes, even new skins and shapes.

Shopping… Well, as you know there are women who love shopping then there are others who don’t. I belong in the latter category. Unless you let me loose in a bookstore with lots of spending money, shopping simply doesn’t appeal to me. I guess I’m too much of a tomboy at heart. Tech stuff is nice too, if even more expensive. Other than that, I just can’t stand shopping sprees.

In Second Life it’s just so much easier and practical. Unfortunately, it’s just as expensive and being the cheap weirdo that I am, I absolutely refuse to ‘buy’ Lindens – the currency, not the founders… Not sure if those are for sale… LOL.

That brings me to the most typical aspect of Second Life. Money. Business. People actually run businessed in there. Make believe businesses, selling make believe stuff. Believe it or not, someone’s actually become a real life millionaire selling (or rather speculating in) land.

I’ve been forced to learn new ways of making money. Being who I am, I absolutely refuse to join the sex industry. When it comes to sex, I’d rather buy than sell. Just kidding. About the buying part, not about the selling part. That’s my final word. Fortunately, there are a few more ways of making money.

So now I’ve become a professional dancer. LOL. No, not quite, but I do ‘camp’ for Lindens. Most addicts (did I say addicts? Slip of the tongue). Most residents frown on that, but camping is available and so I camp to make money. I sit in a chair or I dance. As simple as that. Of course you don’t make much and there are many pitfalls and hangups. You can get logged out. Some camping providers (is that the word, SL:ers?) kick you out on purpose so you have to pay a little fee to start over again. If you’re not careful you end up losing money instead of making it.

Anyway, let’s say I have a little hard earned cash. I head for the luxurious stores. In Second Life shopping really is a pleasure. You can walk around those endless halls, gazing at the merchandise hanging on the walls. Once you’ve found what you’re looking for (and being me, I’m extremely picky) you click on the item you’ve chosen and voilà ! You’ve bought it.

One of the worst aspects of Second Life is that it can be extremely sexist. I’m not going to get into the more ‘adult’ examples of this. Suffice it to say that the female apparel is slutty. There’s no other word for it. You’re expected parade your poor avatar around half-naked. Not me. Not this girl.

There. Enough for now. This is the end of my (possibly first) report from 3D land.